Discipline

While I was growing up my mother used to use the famous "When your father gets home, He'll hear about this" and we used to sit and stew all day after we mis-behaved about what Daddy might say or do when he gets home and mom tells him what we had done. The actual reality of that statement "When your father gets home, He'll hear about this" never resulted in anything. He would come home after a twelve hour day and sit at the kitchen table and have a cigarette talking with my mother while she made dinner and not once gave us trouble about what happened that day. You would think after a few days of this we would learn that she would never tell him what we had done and if she had he would look at us and look at her and change the topic, he didn't ever give us trouble about what we had done that day but yet we were terrified every time she said that and we would stay that way until well after he was home and relaxed. I personally think that because of this statement and because they both never followed through with it, yet continually used it is why my father and I don't have a relationship as many Fathers and Daughters do. But that is another story for another day. Back to discipline. This weekend was the first time that I realized that giving your children discipline early on is a MUST. Nathanael and I started talking about how we would discipline our children even before we were married which I think is a must for all couples thinking about getting married and having children. Like I stated before my mother used this tactic when we were younger and when my father did speak to us we almost always behaved even though he never gave us trouble on the related incident, she had instilled a fear of him in us. As I grew up the tactics changed to minutes in our room and groundings and so on but nothing scared me more then he using that staetment. Nathanaels parents on the other hand also used time outs and groundings but they also used the belt and the shoulder clench (lightly squeezing the shoulder when a child is misbehaving). So after discussing our parents tactics we started discussing what tactics we would use of our own. Dont get me wrong my mother did spank us but only till I was 4 and was stronger than her and Im not sure if she ever spanked my brother but I know my brother got a few spanks by my dad where I recieved none from him. So spanking never worked on us. I remember this dicussion with my future husband so vividly, it was a discussion where we actually discussed we never argued about our discipline techniques that each of us believed in we just talked about what we would use. I stated that I really didnt want to spank our children and thought there was other ways to discipline and he stated that spanking was the way to go until they were old enough to understand. Even though we both had very different veiws we didnt argue we just stated them and the discussion was over. Well that was until Joey started getting around on his own and started to get into EVERY THING. I would say no over and over again and just take it away over and over again where as Nathanael would lightly swap him on the bum and harshly say no. Then the fight was on when my little first born baby boy would start to wail. I started yelling at my now been married for a year husband that spanking an 6 month olds and harshly telling him no was not appropiete. We argued and argued off and on for days about this and soon I got sick of Joey listening to his dad and not me and I started swaping him on his heavely padded tushy and harshly saying no. Soon after we both agreed that disipling him this way was the only way he was going to listen. Now that we have 2 toddlers we still use this technique and we are slowly intergrating the time out thing as they are understanding more and morew each day. Okay so I have discribed how my bother and I were disciplined and how my husband and his siblings were disciplined back in the day and how we discilpline our children today. Now I would like to state that I have a 5 year old brother and he has never been disciplined. Now I am guessing that your thinking "come on Brandy your just being a typical older sister and saying that he's spoiled rotton and s on and so on" Im not just saying this. My little brother is not disciplined. I had the oppertunity to babysit him for a week this past month while my mother went to work and during that week I was informed by my 5 year old little brother that I am not his mother and I can not give him trouble. I was also informed on how to change my childrens bums, what clothes to put on them and that they were not allowed to play with their own toys or eat the treats that I gave them (I gave him the exact same thing). By the time Friday rolled around I was relieved when my mother infomed me actually kida of rudely that I did not have to watch him any longer. I was so relived in fact that I never thought twice on how rudly she said it until I had the pleasure to be the blunt of one of her out bursts this past thanksgiving (Wow I didnt think how ironic that was that it happened on THANKSgiving ). So now Ill explain the situation. My husband, myself, our kids, my older- younger brother, his girlfriend and my little brother were in the living room chilling out while my mother was putting the finishing touches on Thanksgiving dinner. My little brother had not been sharing anything to well with Joey and Carver at all this particular day and we had a few fights to break up that day and each time I disciplined my children and they gave back the toy or whatever it was, but not once was my little brother asked to share or to be kind by my mother. So while my mothers back was turned and I was helping set the table my little brother and Joey were fighting over a chair. I asked my little brothe twice if Joey could sit on it since he was there first and each time he ignored me and went back to trying to get Joey off of the chair. My older-younger brother then attempted to tell my little brother to share and then my little brother pushed Joey so hard he fell on his butt and started to cry. and my older little brother yelled at my little brother to stop it and thats when my mother lost it. She slammed down whatever she was doing turned around and proceeded to tell my older younger brother and I that we were to get off of our little brothers back and to stop being mean to him. We just sat there staring at her and at each other and finally my husband got up and left the room and my older younger brother and his girlfriend did the same. I just sat there stunned that I was yelled at in front of my kids and my husband to get off of my little brothers back because he pushed my son off of the chair. I looked at my children and they were already back to themselves completly forgetting what had just happened and I looked at my little brother now sitting proudly on the chair that he had so victoriously just won with a look of accomplishment on his face. I was livid, I went outside to follow my husband and asked him to talk some sense into her, he was just as livid as I was. I came back into the house and procedded to gather our belongings and getting the kids coats on. She turned around and asked what Nathanaels problem was and why we were leaveing, I just stopped dressing my son and looked at her and stated "why do you think?" We argued and argued my father stepped in a few times and soon my husband was back in the house arguing too. So where do you think the arguing got us? yup your right if you said nowhere. So finally we sat down and said our sorrys for each of our outbursts and ate and that was that. But now I am sitting here wondering was I right also I should mention that I havent had a conversation lasting more than 30 seconds with my mom since.