I have been pondering life recently. Thinking about our family and all the changes we have been through the last 5 years. Thinking about how not only our family has grown but how Nathanael and I have grown as well. Five years ago last weekend was when we started dating. I knew from the moment my eyes met his and I walked away from him that day leaving him stunned, that I would marry him and sitting here five years later from when we made the decision to date, I am married to him, have three amazing and beautiful children with him and I am even more madly and deeply in love with him than the day we met, the day we made that decision, the day he proposed, the day we promised in front of god and our family that we would love each other no matter what as long as we both shall live. I love him more today than the day that I found out I was pregnant with Joe, more than the day I gave birth to Joe, the day that I found out I was pregnant with Carver and gave birth to Carver. I love Nathanael more today than the day I found out I was pregnant with Kaity and the day I gave birth to her. I love him more today than I have loved him the rest of our relationship. We have grown as individuals and as a couple and we will continue growing together until the day we die. This last five years I have gone from a teenager to a wife and lover to a mother and as I sit here and ponder the future and reflect upon the past I am at peace. Our relationship has been through its highs and its lows and we will continue to have them. I know that as I lay in the valleys of the lows I will have my husband to help me climb to the highest mountains and he will have me. I will support Him in all of his valleys and on the top of his mountains. Our recent moves to further our life's changes will not be easy and I don't expect them to be but I know as long as we believe in each other and lean on each other that we will trudge through it and find ourselves and our family on the mountain top rejoicing together.

Overwhelmed

I'm sure every mom goes through this at some points maybe even many times, but I'm sure I'm pretty close to my breaking point. I don't know what to do I have tried talking to friends and my lovely husband but it doesn't feel like I'm getting through what I am feeling I thought that maybe if I started writing that I would be able to get it out and trust me im not aiming this at anyone and I am definitely not trying to get everybody to feel sorry for me I just need to vent! I really appreciated Nathanael being home for roughly 6 months. Some days I even took it for granted that I could make a phone call, check my email and simply have a shower without being hollered at or interrupted in some way. Even as I sit here and write this Kaity is screaming, Carver wants milk and the kitten is even crying! I know that this is all part of being a parent and having 3 babies under three. Nathanael has been back at work for a month and I have experienced having to go grocery shopping with three kids all of which have to be in the cart or they will disappear. not fun and where the heck do you put the groceries I wish I could have taken a picture of that one. I usually wait to have a shower till he gets home but by that time I'm too far gone and just want to sit on the couch or go to bed! Some days I put a movie on and Kaity in her bed (where I know she'll be safe)and sneak off but it never fails as soon as I get shampoo in my hair or shaving cream on my legs someone is calling, or crying or the phone is ringing. I have some major struggles going on right now with certain people in my life that I wish I didn't have but that's life right and I'm also working one to two days a week to have extra cash and a little break. I've been especially frustrated with the boys, and I really don't want to be. They know all about the potty, they know what they are supposed to do with it and they do it when THEY want but not consistently and it never fails that when they are not wearing a diaper that they pee or pooh all over the floor URGH! like I said before I am having issues with certain people and I have concluded that my biggest problem is that I cannot say the word NO!! Those people in our lives are adding to my Chaos and I cant just step up and say no! They are cosintly intruding on my life and I want it to STOP! I love my kids and their is still lots that I need to learn and say but I am having a difficult time!

CARVER IS 2

It seems like just yesterday that I was in the hospital looking at the newest addition too our family! Carver James Werdal was born on Thursday July 12th 2007 at 6:35am weighing 8lbs and 1 oz!! He was a beautiful baby and now is a little boy! He loves to climb and snuggle with his stuffies. Hes walking and talking and loves his big brother and his little sister. I was concerned when we had Kaity that he would suffer being the middle child but there is no way to forget him! He is sooo silly and loveable. He is a thinker is is always tring to figure something out and he gets this look in his eye and you know there is something he is plotting!! Happy Birthday My little Boy Mommy Loves you

Ever Changing LIFE

All Our prayers have been answered! Well Most of them (I still haven't won the lottery but I guess I would have to play in order to win LOL just joking)! We have had an amazing start to our summer!!! 2 weekends ago we went to a friend of mines place for the evening! there was a few couples there, almost all the women I knew but Nathanael had only met the guys a few times.Its so nice to meet new people and to connect with them. I have been spending alot of time with the moms from the Moms group I joined last summer and now that Im working with 2 of the moms, I have made some really close friends. Anyways so after the get together we went home and had a really good heart to heart about how we both have been feeling and some of the thoughts that have been on our minds! We discussed with a couple about going to the beach the next morning, so the next morning we got up and ready and headed for the beach! We had a great time and the kids had a blast and we all got along really well! (Prayer One Answered) Nathanael being off work was hard financially and tough emotionally as well! Financially we had to wait 11 weeks for EI and had to pinch pennies and as soon as we thought we were alright the van died, then bills had piled up so bad we had to prioritize and had to go with out a lot, but we delt with it. emotionally after just having a baby I just wanted to get back into my routine and that was not going to happen with Nathanael home. We got into a new routine and we started to get closer and closer. I started to work (prayer 2 answered) and I love it! I have never been a really good house keeper but when I started this job cleaning other peoples houses I really started to WANT to keep mine cleaner. I have started here and there but it already feels better and I feel like I can keep it this way. (Prayer 3 answered) I also really love it and its great money and it will help us catch up faster! (prayer 4 answered) We have been doing alot with the kids and together, we have gone to the new indoor playground a few times, we went camping at the farm this weekend, and have gone to the park and for a few walks. Last Night we got a call that we have been waiting 6 months for almost exactly!!! Nathanael is back at work!!! (Prayer 5 answered) So today after work I did some cleaning, put the boys down for a nap and did the dishes and some more cleaning and started supper it finally felt sooo good to have NORMAL back (prayer six answered) We also had a call 2 weeks ago for something else and this will be a working progress and I dont want to say too much yet and Im sorry Im not spilling but Im leaving it to the lord and we will keep praying but it was a start to another prayer answered! Thank you lord sooo much for all you have given us! So our lives have changed again and we are getting back into the swing of things and the start of new things!!!!

Being a Girl

This is the First Time I have been able to do Kaity's Hair with any cute results! I love it!!!

Decisions and Life

I have decided to keep my more personal stuff here! I wanted to join some scrapping challenges and they wanted a blog site but I don't want to mix my feelings and such with the challenges so I will keep this blog for that kind of stuff! I guess I'll do a little bit of an update now! The week after mothers day My moms side of the family (My Grandparents, Mom and Dad and Brothers and My Uncle and one cousin) and I and Kaity traveled to Abbotsford BC for my Omas funeral. I still havent really grieved, I think I haven't because we didn't see her very often and I think maybe I'm hoping that when we do go back over there that she will be waiting for us! I know that this is silly to think but I just cant seem to grieve about it. Another thought that I just had while typing the last sentence is that maybe I'm at peace with her passing because I know that she's safe in the arms of Jesus and my Opa, The are finally reunited! The trip was alot slower than last time (even though we were able to go the speed limit this time)We took 2 days there and 2 Days back! We left Sunday around 2 pm and arrived in Revelostoke about 730 pm (ab time) We had stopped a few times and Had dinner in Golden! The hotel we stayed at was a little older but they offered great rates and the rooms suited us great. Kaity and I stayed with my Mama and Papa, they had a king size bed and there was a littler room off to the side for Kaity and I with a bed and two chairs, I pushed the 2 chairs together and made the perfect little bed for Kaity! The next morning we left about 10 am ish (BC Time) and arrived in Abbotsford at about 330 (BC Time)We went for dinner and came back it was great and relaxing! We went swimming Kaity had a great time! The next Day was the funeral so we did that! After the funeral my mama dropped me off at Nathanaels Grandma and Grandpas. It was the first time they had met Kaity, Aunty Flo was also here so we got to visit with her too, we had such a good time. After we got back everybody went for dinner but My oldest Brother and I stayed at the Hotel and had DQ Kaity was so frazzled and grumpy from all the commotion of the day. We relaxed and after a while I got Kaity dressed and we went swimming, she loved it we were in there for 2 hours. After that my mom came and got me and all the women in our family gathered in one of the rooms and we sorted and chose what we wanted of my Omas jewelery. I chose a pearl necklace and some other stuff. The pearls reminded me most of my Oma. The next day we headed home we stopped at the Enchanted forest and 3 Valley Gap these places were places Ive wanted to stop at ever since I was little but never did! I recommend even if you are an adult to stop at the Enchanted forest it is sooo AMAZING. So we spent the night in Revelstoke again at the same Hotel and Headed home the next morning. I had such a great trip despite the reason we went but now after writing and re reading this I am Truly at Peace about My Oma and Opa passing! The things I will always hold dear to my heart about them are: 1)Walks with Opa, 2)Him sneaking away to have a cigarette (Oma thought he quit years ago),3)Asking me to draw a cow for him after I had drew a pot of flowers for Oma, and after explaing to him that I didnt have the proper colors for a cow he asked ``why not a purple cow, havent you ever seen a purple cow.4) my Oma always had King mints and a Loonie for us, 5) she always had a smile and thoroughly enjoyed watching us play!!

WOW what a Crazy Month

So after writing the last post alot has happened Wow what a crazy bust month! I have officially decided that I’m going to post all my latest pages from our scrapbooks and any new and fun techniques that I have learned! I will update on the family a little but right now I need a place for me! So ill tell you all about our crazy past little bit! Nathanael is still home and even though I’m not really enjoying the not having money part I am completely enjoying having him home! The saying "everything happens for a reason" is what we have been living by! Our Marriage is 100 times stronger than it ever has; we have been growing closer as a family and as a couple! We found out just before Easter that Nathanaels brother and his wife are expecting. Their son is 8 and it will be so great for them to have another! Also Nathanaels sister that moved to Norway came home unexpectedly and surprised the Family it was sooo great! I travelled to SASK again but this time with my best friend and her son and Kaity wow is all I can say the kids were amazing I couldn’t have asked for better! We had such a great time with Ray and Johanna and Maddy, I have been missing them sooo dearly and it was great to see them! And the best news yet is that for mothers day My lovely Husband bought me book shelves so I could organize my scrapbooking/ craft room and now I have a great place to retreat and to do my scrapbooks! I have been told more than once recently that I should do this professionally and after toying with the idea I have decided not to. I do this hobby for me that is all there is too it I have given up soo much to be a mom and this is for me. I have also been asked “how do you do it with three kids? How can you keep up with all your albums? I have to first say I have only been doing this since Joey was born and I now have 5 albums! I have one for each of the kids, one for the family and a wedding one! I have a family album to document not only before me and Nathanael were married but I was getting over whelmed with all the events we were doing as a family I kept asking myself “How am I going to keep up with this if I do a set of pages for each event for all three kids?” my answer a family album to hold things such as Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Valentines day and Mom and dads day as well as all family events or trips! Now I just have one set of pages! For the kids’ albums I am still a little behind but I am putting in bdays and their special pics and such! I completely love doing this and now that my room is done its sooo much easier to go in and sit down and do something! I have also decided that I am going to start selling Close to my heart which is scrapbooking and card making supplies! I am doing this for myself but if I am asked to do a party I will, I’m soo excited and I sooo badly want my Slice so I am saving my pennies and waiting patiently! Just this past week my Oma past so Kaity and I will be travelling to Vancouver on Sunday afternoon so Ill leave you with the pages that I did the other night o the pics we took while we were there last!!!

Reasons

I have decided over the last few days that I need to write, I dont have very many followers, so that is not why I feel obligated to write. The reason s I write this blog is: #1 keep up on my typing, #2 have a place where I can record my thoughts, feelings and moments of my everyday life without chopping down a hundred trees and #3 is so I can feel as if im sharing even though Im not doing it directly. So the main reason I have not written in almost a month is due to depression. Every time I sat here and tried to write something it sounded depressing and sad and sounded like I was complaining. I was kinda depressed at the end of my pregnancy with Kaity and I really just wanted her out and I wanted to meet her so badly. Then I was good for a long while I went 9 weeks without really even thinking about money, and rent, and jobs or anything I was just enjoying my life and everything that was in it or around it. And then week 10 hit, we HAD to pay the cable bill or the cable company was going to shut it of. I know this next part sounds horrible and I hope people can see it my way but if they dont thats fine. We had $200 left to last us till we either got Ei (finally) or the next batch of child tax (which would have been a month away) anyways we had $200 to make it till we got money again, and I thought we would be okay, I just kept finding more ways to be frugal and we went without alot. We were doing okay and I really wasnt worried I thought forsure we would make it. Then the cable company called and wanted $100 or they were going to cut services. So at first I thought okay go ahead I dont care, we need all $200 we have or we will have to ask for help, or go without even more. Well the more I thought about it the more I disagreed with myself. I just kept thinking "Sure lots of people go without we can too", yeah nope we couldn't do it, if we lossed the cable we would lose our Internet, and our phone and the cable for the tv, and that would be so bad if ALL my support people (the people I NEED TO TALK WITH EVEYDAY) wernt on facebook or just a call away. So I payed the $100 the cable butt heads wanted. This depressed me more and more each day as I saw our last $100 dwindling away to nothing. Then I finally asked my mom for help, I didnt want money, I just wanted her to buy the kids milk and diapers, and a little bit of food. She got us by till just before Nathanaels eye surgery and I felt wrong asking her for even more. I knew that the surgery was free but there were things that come along with it, like pain killers, meds and gas to get there, so we had to give up a bit more pride and ask Nats parents for a little bit of cash. They helped us like I knew they would. We felt relieved like you would not believe. And then on the way back from their house our van died, URGH I felt as if I didnt have anything left. We had no idea what we were going to do I just kept praying please go I know you have a plan, I just really cant see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! and of course as god usually works just when it seems like its looking like there is NO end to the darkness there is. My parents offered to buy us groceries until EI came in and also offered to fix the car (it needed a new heater and wiper switch) in return for Nat helping my dad with the shop. Also the next week we heard from EI and we would be getting money the following week. So here we are we have received 2 payments from EI and the car is fixed (very annoying putting three car seats in but it works)so I would like to say THANK YOU LORD and that I am in a much better mood these days and will try to write more often!!

Opa

I have been putting this off for a week now and now I finally feel like I can do this. My Opa was born in the town of Meppel in Holland on February 2nd 1919, and passes away on February 20th 2009 at a wonderful age of Ninety. I didn't get to see him or my Oma often as they lived in Abbotsford B.C. He was a man of few words. He was the type of person that you could sit with all day and not speak to but feel as if you had chatted with him all day. I remember going for walks with him. Whenever we would go and visit he would take me for a walk. He would walk with his hands in his pockets looking up at the sky. I didn't know alot about him, I did like all the family know that he LOVED Sugar and Salt, he would out 4 teaspoons of sugar in his coffee and doused all his food with salt, I remember on a few occasions some of the family asking if he wanted coffee with his sugar or food with his salt, but he never retorted with anything he just said hmm and went back to drinking or his food. I remember the story of him bringing two pigs home and training them to pull a cart, he made them special harnesses and took them to fairs all over Western Canada showing off their skills, that is till a nasty neighbour reported him to the city and he had to keep the pigs else where. I also remember whenever we would go visit or they would come and see us he would sneak away and have a cigarette and we would bug him, Òpa when did you start smoking, and he would answer I don't smoke, we would laugh and shrug it off. I do wish I had got to spend more time with him and learned more about him but I am so glad he had a long and Happy life. I learned at the funeral that my Opa was a christian and he was saved even before they had moved from Holland, I don't yet know what this means to me yet, all I know was when I found that out I was happy, I was no longer sad about his death but happy for the life he lived. While we were in BC I saw my papa (Opas oldest son) shed tears for the first time. This hurt me almost more than Opa passing. I have a special relationship with my papa and to see him cry was unbearable. We talked about it after the funeral (as my younger cousins and little brother asked him why) He reassured us they were happy tears, happy that Opa was in heaven, Happy that he was no longer in pain and Happy that we were all there with him while he was able to say good bye to his father. I am Grateful that I had an Opa (my great grandfather), I am grateful that I had somewhat of a relationship with him and I am also grateful that I got to go to his funeral and say goodbye.

Scatter Brain

I have been a completely scatter brained lately. I have put the kids' plates in the freezer rather than the cupboard, Ive put the milk in the cupboard rather than back in the fridge, I have poured the boys bottles and left them on the counter, I have done numerous crazy things. Now of course I blame this on being a new mom again and all my hormones are affecting my brain and making me like this but I have been thinking about it a little lately and I have been known the last few weeks to ask the same questions more than once, pull over to double, even triple check that I have all the kids I was supposed to have and recheck their seat belts up to three or more times. So I think Ive gone a little crazy. I asked the doctor on Thursday if this was completly normal or if I was truly crazy and as most of you are thinking I'm not crazy, well maybe a little but his wife just had their fourth (she has four under 8) and he said I should see some of the stuff she's been doing. So all in all it is normal. So this is the reason that I have completly forgot about this blog. Also I have been so Scatter Brained I dont think I could have started and finished a blog post before now. Hopefully this all made sense and I will write again soon!!

Xpress To Norway

So Ive really been missing Cheri and its been really bothering me that she cant meet Kaity! So this is for you Cheri. To ship Kaity Xpress post (She'll be there in 5 to 7 days) is $114.58 and to ship her General (She'll be there in the next month) is $63.04

Kaitlyn Marie Werdal

Kaitlyn Marie Werdal is our first and only little girl. She is already Mommy's princess and Daddy's sweetheart. The last week has seemed to fly by and now looking back its weird how everything happens just at the right moment. New Years eve day I was starting to get depressed again and I was not dealing with it well. We had no plans for the evening and we were just going to sit at home and do nothing, I was not okay with that so I made plans to go out to my mom and dads. At first Nathanael thought it was a silly idea cuz the weather was starting to look bad and he thought that being half an hour away from town wasnt a good idea if I went into labor or if the weather got so bad that we were stuck out there, well you get the drift. After telling me he thought it wouldnt be a good idea, I had a melt down! So after talking about it we decided we should go and have a good time! We got out there and the weather seemed to hold out while we were there. We played dice and had a great visit. My uncle and cousin came out too and my cousin put on a fire work display. We got home at about 12:30 am and crawled into bed. I was then woken up at 4:00 am and in labor. I feel truly blessed to have my own little girl to spoil and play with. Kaity is such a good baby, shes been nursing really well and sleeping good and she tolerates all the crazy noise and her very crazy brothers. I have had so much fun already playing dolly with her, trying out all the little outfits and boots and socks on her. I cant wait till her hair grows a little so I can play with it. I have had a little bit of emotions when it comes to her. I want to hold her all the time. Its not that I miss having her in me, its just I want to soak up all the time I can with her. I really dont know how to discribe what Im feeling. I dont mind people holding her or spending time with her. Ugh why cant I get out what I am trying to say. Im also having a hard time dealing with not having a few people around that cant be here to see her or hold her. I July one of my best friends moved to Sask and Ive only seen her twice since they moved and they have also had their little girl and it kills me that I cant spoil her and that Jo cant be here to enjoy Kaity. Im hoping we can go see them soon but with everything being the way it is im not sure we will make it as soon. I am also dearly missing Nathanaels sister (im sorry Cheri please dont tear up too bad) I know that she is so despertly wanting to be here to meet Kaity and she is coming in August but still thats 7 months away. well i have completly forgotton what I was going to write so I guess Ill end here!