My Last Baby!!

As Ive been waiting and waiting and waiting for this baby its made me think about alot of things and Ive also learned more about myself and my amazing husband! First I have learned that having patience really does pay off. I was sure that this little girl would be early! Joey was 4 days late and Carver was 4 Days early and according to `they` they say your third is supposed to come early and is supposed to be easy! Well shes not early and I'm thinking this is not going to be as easy as Carver was. In my eyes my Doctor made a huge mistake telling me about half a month ago that she would be early and would more than likely be an easy birth as she is much smaller than the boys were. So I am 5 days over and its New Years Eve and I'm sitting here thinking that I should be reflecting on the last year but all I can think about is that last few weeks and about this little baby girl inside of me that isn't coming out!! Over the last few days I have been granted the peace in knowing god will let us have our little miracle as soon as hes ready. I have also been granted Peace in knowing that we will be provided for while Nathanael stays home with me instead of leaving his brothers company he is going to take Parental leave and be with me for a few weeks. The week leading up to Christmas was hard for me emotionally. Not only was I anxiously awaiting our little miracle but I was also trying to deal with all the Christmas hullaballoo and such and I was constantly taking it out on Nathanael and he just stood strong and we both pulled through it. As Christmas winded down and life got back t normal that's when I realized I cant MAKE this baby come out when god feels we are ready he will bless us. But as I know my body is getting ready for this baby I am reminded that this will be our last baby! That kick I felt might have been one of the last kick inside me forever, the last set of hiccups might have been the last I feel! It saddens me to think that this pregnancy will be my last, that my belly will never expand like this again and my stretch marks will never stretch out again, but in the same thought I think I have carried this beautiful child for almost 10 months I have been her home while she grew from an egg to a infant and now I have to release her into this world and watch her grow from an infant to a toddler to a child the a teen and a beautiful women. I will miss being pregnant alot as I have been for almost 3 years now. So being that this is my last pregnancy I am content to wait but at the same time I'm really ready to meet this little girl!!

Change

Ive been doing alot of wondering and thinking! Ive been wondering how our lives are going to change in the next few weeks! Wow at the beginning at the month we knew by the end of the month our lives were going to be different but God has a way of showing just how fast what we thought was going to be is not so. We knew the winter could be tough for Nathanaels job and we figured we would tough it out. Last week we decided based on how our lives are going to be changing that Nathanael would look for different options for work. So as this change is happening we are also getting ready for this baby! Wow look at our lives change again all at once. I know god will provide and guide us through this crazy time in our lives. This has happened at the end of all our pregnancies, its kinda a weird and crazy time for it to happen but I think that the last few times all the change happened all at once we grew closer as a couple and as a family. When we were getting ready to have Joey Nathanael was working at west steel and was experiencing alot of pain in his one arm and hand, the more he ignored it and tried to bear it the worse it got. after Joey was about 6 weeks old we decided that he would try and find a different job and I would also go to work. This worked out great due to my mom not working during the day so she could take Joey, we didn't understand why everything was happening the way it was and we didn't really have faith in the situation and until we did we struggled. When we were waiting for Carver to come I was forced to take my maternity leave early due to my health and shortly after I was on maternity leave Nathanael experienced inter office madness at the agency that he was working for and needed to leave. Therefore I was 9 months pregnant and not working and then he wasn't either. We decided that this time we would leave it to the lord and we knew that if we did this things would work themselves out. Shortly after leaving the agency he started working for his brother and I have never seen him enjoy going to work as much as he did. It did all work out, thanks to the lord. Now when all this started happening again I knew that in my state and with everything else changing again that I could let it all bother me at the same time and that I had to leave it all to the lord and let him guide us through it. I haven't really been letting him guide me through the last little bit of this pregnancy though. I haven't been doing so well mentally and I haven't been asking the lord or anybody else for help! In the last week I haven't been the nicest to the people that mean the most to me and I haven't been asking for help when I need it the most. I have alot of special people in my life and in the last two weeks I have pushed a few of them away. The last few days Nathanael has been able to be home with me and I have finally had some sleep and have finally been able to talk to him and tell him how I feel. I have come to realize once again that I have to leave everything in gods hands and let him guide me. I think I have finally come to an understanding and I am able to finally relax. Thank you lord. (Picture taken by Heidi Werdal www.familyreflectionsphotography.ca)

This one has mom in it! Thanks Heidi for sending to me. Mom, Cheri, Heidi, Kyla and me!!

Heidi, Me and Cheri (Kyla's missing I dont have the pic with the four of us)

Sisters

When I was born at first it didn't even seem like my parents were going to stay together. This I didn't learn till later in life but at the time of my birth they were uncertain of their relationship let alone if they were going to have more children together. My mom had to fight to stay in high school as a pregnant teen (she was 17) and my dad dropped all his extra classes and a few scholarships so that he could work full time and save enough so that when I was born he would have enough saved for a damage deposit on an apartment and first months rent. After Graduation (me being 3 months old) my parents finally thought that their relationship was strong enough to start living together. They lived together on and off until I was two and my dad finally proposed to my mom. (There is ALOT MORE to this story and someday when I have my emotions gathered Ill share but that is not what this was about) They Finally moved completely in together and set a date. Shortly after I was 2 the were married and soon decided that they were ready to bring another life into this world! They had a boy the following June. As I have mentioned in earlier posts I was devastated as a three year old and called my little brother baby Sara for weeks. I so longed for a sister to dress up with and play house and dolls and such with but I knew that I had to make due with what I had and he played along fairly nicely with the help of a few swats here and there(don't tell my mom I confessed that)!!! According to my mom they tried for a few years to have another and I believe due to their rocky marriage they weren't blessed with another child until I was 16 and just as it looked like they were doomed to divorce they decided to make things work no matter what and renewed their vows and shortly after became pregnant with my Lil bro Jake. At 16 I really didn't care what they were having I was in my own world and doing my own thing. I was a little disappointed when they did tell us at the ultrasound it was for sure a boy as he turned and wiggled his little package to the world but I was just happy that my parents were FINALLY HAPPY. When Jake was born I got to experience the miracle of birth and even got to help. I loved him so much a spoiled him as much as I could. But deep down inside I still longed for a sister. A year later almost to the day I met Nathanael. After dating him for about a month I met his parents and ALL his siblings. Nathanael has 2 brothers and a sister and at the time both brothers were married and his sister was dating, I also met all their children. Ben (nats oldest brother) and Heidi had Benjamin and Amanda and Heidi was pregnant with Kirby, Byron (Nats older brother) and Kyla had Brayden and Cheri who had just introduced James to the Family! Wow that was a very interesting day for me. Everyone was extremely nice and easy to get along with I was kinda shocked. I come from a family that constantly argue and all have hidden agendas and from all the Werdals I didn't get that at all. After another month of dating Nathanael proposed and I gladly accepted, When we told ALL of his family at Thanksgiving they were thrilled especially all of my soon to be sister in laws. I soon asked all of them to be in my wedding party and they all gladly accepted. I didn't really know any of them very well but was looking forward to getting to know them. As the wedding plans drew on and we got closer to the date our relationship started to crumble and soon it became apparent that it was all to do with this huge wedding neither of us wanted. We cancelled the wedding and eloped. Nathanael had chosen Byron to stand up for him so I asked his wife Kyla. We were supposed to elope just the 4 of us until we both agreed our immediate families needed to be there. To this day we both only have one regret and that is that Cheri and James couldn't be there with us. Through the last almost 5 years I have slowly got to know more and more and become closer with my sister in laws and I have to be honest I don't care what anybody says I HAVE THE BEST IN LAWS EVER. None of my sisters has ever judged me and none of them have ever spoken badly about me to my face anyways and if they have behind me I truly do forgive them. I hope that over the next few years and throughout our lives we grow to be best friends. I know that I cant go back to my childhood and play dress up or dolls with them but we can still do our girly things (which we have) and make the most of the rest of our lives as sisters!!!!