Being Mom

After this past week of posting, talking to other moms and reading about different parenting styles I want to talk more about it. Having many girl friends that are Mommy's we often talk about kids, parenting methods and more. Recently I connected with a friend that now is a new Mom. She told me how frustrated she was with all the stigmas to do with being a mom. As mothers we are all under constant watch and are always being judged. Its easy for me to say "I don't care what other people think" but to a new mom that's next to impossible. As mothers we are judged on breast feeding, co sleeping, what food to give the baby and when, soothers, circumcisions and more. Really I have heard it all, having even heard that I was crazy for my life choice of having four children and constantly being asked when number five is coming. As a new mom you feel lost and confused at the best of times, you run on next to no sleep and always doing new things. There are things no one tells you about having a baby or two or the next or the next. Having four kids I have seen a lot and have encountered many people judging my decisions. Surrounding myself with other moms was one of the best things I have ever done. Having so many friends who all have different aged kids, a different amount of kids and different habits and opinions, I am constantly learning. In our little group of mommy's we have the co sleepers, long term and short term breast feeders, formula only babies, circumcised and not. We have preemies, and oppsies, we have mommy's with one and mommy's with six. There are stay at home and working, hubby's that are away and home. Sometimes we get into heated conversations about hot topics but we never judge each other. I know I can go to any one of them and ask for help on any subject and they will work it out with me, give me their opinions and help me out the best they can. I couldn't be the Mom I am today and I am happy to call them my friends and a few my "sisters." I take back what I said last week about being called Supermom. I was dealing with some issues that mad me feel very un super and at that moment I didn't feel I had earned the title. After talking with some people and especially my mom, I learned a few things. To some people I do look like Super Mom,I juggle four kids, a husband, two businesses and a household. I appreciate the comment and thank you to those who look up to me and who truly think I am supermom. I know I can improve on myself and I know I can constantly learn more. picture credit to Perfect Pix'l Photography

Gut Instinct

This weekend on the way home from Banff, me and the girls were about ten minutes away from home when we came up and over a crest of a hill. At the bottom was a well dressed older gentleman with a hat and gloves on and he had his thumb out. I knew instantly in my gut that I had to see what was up, however I was not alone and had two other ladies to think about. As we drove closer to him, my head started following my gut and I checked behind me to make sure I wasn't being to closely followed by anyone. The truck in front of me signaled and turned left into a road approach and I pulled the van over to the right about ten meters away from the man. Rolling down the window I heard him tell the people in the truck that he was going to catch a ride with us. He came and introduced himself with a big smile. He told us his name, that he lived on top of the hill and needed to go into town to pick up his wife's car and that she was in Victoria. He asked if we would give him a ride to town. I didn't even think twice as I nodded and said yes. My girlfriends were laughing by this time and I'm sure they thought I was nuts. The gentleman asked us where we were from and we told him, and how long each of us had lived here. Still laughing I told him I was born and raised here and that I thought it was hilarious that I just picked up Santa Clause. Yes as embarrassing as it sounds I just called him Santa. it really just fell out of my mouth. I have a habit of not thinking before I speak, to my defense he did look a lot like the jolly old man. He was bigger build, a white goatee and beard. He also had a jolly laugh and a great contagious positive attitude. However much he look like Santa the whole van went quiet and he chuckled to himself and said "Well, actually I am" I was speechless. I had really just picked up Santa. He went on to explain that he had indeed been the town Santa for seventeen years. Serving the town at the annual Christmas light up our town holds every year. Having been born and raised here (26 years)and having attended the light up for most of those years I was flabbergasted, I had probably sat on the mans knee countless times and now here I am picking up Santa as a hitch hiker. We chit chatted with him for the rest of the way. He regaled us with a tale about hitch hiking to his sons basketball game. We arrived to town, pulled into the dealership and he tried to get out but I had the child locks on, laughing I got out and let him out. He gave us some money for a bottle of wine. Getting back in the car I knew the girls were going to let me have it but before they could I explained about my gut instinct. I had to stop, I know hitch hikers are not safe to pick up but I had to. I knew that if I did not, I would think about it for a long time. I really don't think picking up hitch hikers is a great idea, it all depends on the circumstances. Use your gut and listen to your heart, you'll never know what will happen. In my case I met a great, funny, and high standing community member and have a great story to tell.

MONDAY

Pretty sure Mondays suck for everyone, and if they don't then you probably have days like Monday at some point in your week. My Monday started out horrible, actually it really all started last night. After being away for the weekend at a stagette, I arrived home and we were off to a first birthday party. We spent the afternoon there and after coming home for dinner and doing some computer work,I was out the door for a business meeting and a card making class. By the time I got home it was time for bed, where had my weekend gone? I was exhausted and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. The Alarm woke me up when it was time for the Hubs to get up. Alarm clocks are one of my pet peeves, they wake you up in the worse way. The hubs and I have very different views on how an alarm clock should sound. I like a happy chirping sound and he like the blasting beeping and honking. Right now we have this alarm that starts out so nice and chirpy and then starts blasting. GAH!!! I hate it. He then rolls over on the third or fourth time and snuggles with me. He so warm and comfy and I usually fall back to sleep. He then leaves me and gets ready and leaves the house. My alarm goes off a bit later and usually I am awake before it and I was today. Groggy and still very sleepy I got up, got ready and then came out to greet the kids. The house is a mess! I didn't do dishes last night (was in a hurry) and neither did the hubs (he cooked and put kids to bed)So the house is a mess, dishes on the counter, breakfast on the table, toys and clothes everywhere, all the kids still in pjs even though I asked twice before I got up for them to get dressed. The baby is in her bed still and happy until I walk past and then she starts crying. This is when I remember today is Carvers leader day. Oh NO. First, I didn't make a snack. Second he had extra homework that was due today, on top of the puzzle piece that's due on his leader day. Third he needs to find a show and share. Oh yes and now I remember the Hubs telling me he didn't have time to make lunches. Quickly I ran down stairs grabbed things for C to make his snowman with, back up (my leg is still killing me from boot camp)set him all up with it, he then made it while I was making lunches and asking him the questions that are on his puzzle piece. N is screaming in her crib, K is running around naked, not able to find the outfit she wants, and J is looking for pants as usual. At this point I want to crawl back into bed pull the covers over my head and hide. But atlas I can not. We have the 2 boys that need to be in class in less than half an hour. The rush is on! Finish making three lunches, grab the screaming baby, find J pants, get K's specific outfit, let the dog out, change over laundry so I don't have to re wash it(AGAIN)and sit with C and help him finish the snowman. K and J are finally dressed, and C is packing his bag. Everyone needs their snow stuff since is -20 degrees today. They get dressed while I change the baby finally. Getting the baby in her seat I check on the older three. K needs her coat zipped, J can't find his mitts and C is still looking at me no snow pants, mitts, coat or boots. I finally lose my cool we are officially LATE. It takes everything I have once again to keep going and not say okay forget it no school. Oh so tempting. At 845 we are finally loaded in the van. We get to the school, I sign the boys in and walk them to their classes (which lucky me, are on opposite sided of the school)C's teacher patiently waits as I get C settled and then J and I make a dash for J's class. His teacher doesn't even stop what she is doing and keeps teaching as he comes in and gets settled. Finally my morning can stop for a few seconds at I sit in the driver seat trying not to bash my head on the steering wheel. Did I mention I am still wearing my pjs? That my hair is a mess? and I still have make up on from Saturday night? Yes now its time to drive home and have a shower, spend time with the girls until K has school at noon and I have leader day at C's class. I still have a ton of things to do, shower, feed N, COFFEE, do a blog post hehehe and some business work, emails and more but now I can breathe my Monday has just begun but the rush is over and really can it get any worse? (Yes I knocked on wood)

Girls Night

My favorite time. Well one of many, I love spending time with my family, I really do, but spending time with the girls is something every woman needs. Yes I say NEEDS.

From a really young age I started having sleep overs and girls nights. I remember my very first one and oddly enough we live the same distance apart now as we did all those years ago. I loved having friends over to do nails, dancing, eating junk and just being a girl. Last night I was at a very good friends stagette. She's getting married and we were able to help send her off into married hood with a great night of girl fun. There's nothing better than spending time giggling, dressing up a little and going out with the girls. Whether it be just for dinner and drinks or a night on the town or a night in with a favorite movie, snacks and pjs. Every girl needs a great group of friends to hang out with, celebrate and just be girl silly with. Of course I love spending time with the Hubs and we are each others soul mates and best friends but for some reason he won't let me paint his nails, or do his hair and he really doesn't like chick flicks. I made him watch Shakespeare in Love when we first started dating and for some reason he couldn't see why I loved it so much, really can you believe that? I am very lucky to have so many girl friends. They all make time when I need them, they know they can count on me and I know I can count on them. We make a point to hang out with kids and without. They are not just my mommy friends. Some have kids and some don;t and I treasure each of their friendship, and I know many of them will be life long friends. I encourage everyone that reads this, make a date night with your bestie or with a group, go out sans kids, either out on the town, a quiet coffee or have a pj party (Really! You know you want to) Your friends will love the fact that you want to make time for them and that you are making an effort to spend time together. If you have a friend that you would like to re connect with, call them up, see how they are and go out for coffee or dinner to catch up!!! (The Picture is of my wonderful friend Julie at her stagette this weekend. Congrats Julie and Tyler)

Witching Hour!

My mom always called the hours from after school until dinner our "Witching Hour" It was the few hours of the day where we as kids were at our worst. I never really understood what she mean't. We'll let me tell you, WOW do I ever know what she meant now. With four kids, three of which go to some sort of school throughout the week and a baby who is super miserable when 430 pm hits. When the kids get home from school they are crazy, overstimulated and starving. After the beasts are fed they calm down and go about their afternoon routines. About 445 the baby starts whining, this is only the beginning, as I try to start dinner at 5 pm the kids are under foot begging for something to eat, fighting or just plain board. Then the baby starts sobbing no matter what I do unless I am holding her. She is terrified of the jumparoo and hates the excersaucer, will not stay where I put her since she is on the move now, and forget putting in her bed she will SCREAM, a blood curdling scream. So most nights I am making dinner with three kids and a dog underfoot while holding a very cranky baby. Usually everything goes without a hitch, by the time the hubs gets home, the table is set, the kids are rounded up and I am getting ready to feed the baby. But there are those nights when everything goes wrong, it usually starts early in the day when the baby misses her nap. Then I go to make dinner and I forgot to take meat out. Most times I can divert the crisis by defrosting meat or changing up the meal plan. Then at least one kid is hitting or being mean. So now I am winging dinner a screaming baby and a mean kid or two. By the time hubs walks in at 6pm I am done, it takes everything I have to dish up everyone and not run for the hills or curl up in fetal position under the dinning room table. He is such an amazing man, he helps me with the kids at dinner, gets them ready for bed while I do things like supper clean up, laundry and getting ready for the next day. Usually just hearing his voice will erase all evidence from my mind about the witching hour, well until tomorrow.

A Bear No More

I am no longer a hibernating bear, usually I don't exercise during the winter. Bowling the last few winters has been enough. Last winter I was pregnant so I couldn't to much more than bowl. Summer finally hits and I am out at least twice a week maybe more playing baseball. It's more to me than playing ball, I usually do a lap or two after the game and one before, so I usually get in a good amount of cardio. My biggest excuse is I hate winter. I hate being cold, I hate ice and snow I hate it all but alas I live in western Canada and really can't get away from it during our seven months of winter. I rather not go to the gym, I hate being cold so I don't run outside and basically I just eat and hibernate all winter until spring and baseball starts. In October I stopped nursing the baby and started to put the pounds back on. I was okay with the first few and didn't really pay attention. Then one day I stepped on the scale and almost died. Really where did those ten pounds come from? That's all I've gained and it has completely diminished my self esteem. I kept telling myself "Okay tomorrow you'll start working out, tomorrow." Well tomorrow turned into "Okay Monday" Monday turned into "Okay after Christmas" After Christmas turned into "After the new year" And well that turned into "Okay its never happening" Last weekend my business partner and I hosted a boudoir photo shoot for our business and I had the brilliant idea that I should get some photos done for the hubs. I felt awesome, I felt like I looked awesome. Well on Monday when I saw the photos yeah they were great the photos were fantastic, I however realized that I need to get into shape, I need to look better than I did during that photo shoot. That was my breaking point. I have spent the last week in my sweats. I don't want my husband to see how I look. I know nothing really has changed but the way I see myself does. I know in my head he'll love the pics, I know he thinks I am beautiful and sexy but right know I don't feel that at all. Those photos made me see that I need to lose the extra pounds and when I do I know how good I will feel, not only will I feel better about how I look, or what the scale says, but I know once those ten are gone I will feel great and be in better shape and have more energy. That is what I am aiming for. Going outside with the kids to build a fort or ride bikes and not feeling like I cant chase them or lift them or spend two hours squatting making a snow fort. I don't want to spend the first two months of baseball getting into shape I want to already be in shape. So no hibernating for me for the rest of winter (which around here could be 3 more months)I am awake and ready to go NOW!!

If you are like me and hibernate I challenge you to get of the couch. Even run your stairs a few times, do whatever you have to do to feel good about yourself!

Mrs. Perfect

Mrs Perfect Mrs. Perfect, you know who I am talking about. The women that have it all together, wear make up on a regular basis, send treats to school for each child, constantly wearing heels and posting on face book how perfect their life is. Have I lost you? Your probably thinking, "Really Brandy, your going to go there?" Just keep reading, trust me. Okay, so you know who I am talking about . You might not know them personally, you just glance and notice them at drop off or their in your play group, or maybe you are friends and you do see them regularly. I have been accused of being perfect or being called SUPER MOM. Both of those names bother me. Most times I want to yell at the person. Really do you actually see me? Do you actually know me? Do you know what I am dealing with? Sure I'm dressed (do yoga pants count? gah I hate jeans) My hair and make up are somewhat done. If you count a pony tail any which way and yesterdays make up somewhat touched up. My kids are all dressed (K's hair is never done) and I am carrying a coffee. That's all you see. I'm pretty good at hiding what I am going through and only a select few people can see through my mask. I am not perfect. My to do list is just as long as yours, my husband and I do have our differences that drive us to argue and not get along, my kids do act out and get on my last nerve, the coffee I am holding is necessarily and its probably my second or third one due to someone or myself spilling at least one that morning. I am more than likely on my second or third set of clothes in the day (depending on the time of day you see me) I LOVE my pjs and sweats so sure I am dressed at today's play date but believe me if I wasn't out yesterday or the day before I probably just changed out of my pjs. I may look like super mom but I am not. I am just like you, dealing day to day with what I have. So next time you see me or a mom that looks like she has it all together. Smile instead of glare because do you really know her? do you know how her day is going? do you know what she is dealing with? I have decided that I am going to not judge other people as I once did. That mom still in her pjs and slippers at pick up might have been up all night with a screaming baby. That mom and the grocery store with the screaming toddler, he was probably up all night with an ear ache or maybe he is just miserable so don't judge she needs groceries too That mom who drops her kids off at day care, doesn't have the luxury of staying home but in the same breath that mom who stays home doesn't have the luxury to go back to work. EVERY woman has their own situation take a moment and revel in yours and be thankful for what you have.

LATE

It's 8:20 am and if we're not out of the door in a few minutes we will be late AGAIN. I have been struggling everyday since the first day of school to get all four kids out of the door on time and into school on time. Even if we are out of the door on time (8:20) there is so much that can happen between the door and when we actually get into the school. The boys' teachers expect it of me by now and when I do show up early or on time its a big deal. There is a catch for being on time though, if we are on time it's more than likely something will be forgotten. From lunches, library books and milk money to notice folders, mittens and hats. I know it is usually my fault and I have tried so many things to get us organized. We have bins and hooks at the door for each kid. Dad makes every ones lunches when he makes his breakfast in the morning, clothes are usually picked out and library books are found the night before so why are we late? LIFE it is inevitable that as we are getting coats on or walking out the door or even walking into the school that something will happen. Whether it be a poop explosion out of the baby, a lost mitten, a scramble because we just realized its library day or someone needs money for something, the van wont start, or there is a melt down or two from one of the four or me. I have come to terms with being late, it happens and yes it is a HUGE, HUGE deal when we make it to our destination with all four kids, clean faced, hair done, decent clothes (yes, yoga pants count)everyone happy and ON TIME.