Beautiful Me

One of my besties and I are going on a scrapbooking retreat in about 2 weeks and we are both excited. We had a fair bit of homework do to for this retreat. I found the homework intriguing and challenging. Usually the both of us tend to focus on the kids and other family members in our scrapbooks. I have about 5 pages with just me on them and 4 out of the 5 are maternity pictures. The homework made me look inside myself and made me think about ME for a change. After doing the homework I continued thinking about myself. I have always struggled with the number on the scale. I know as soon as I start working out the flub and fatness will go away, I know because I have done it many times and gained it back time and time again (babies I tell ya) My whole life I was bigger than other girls and not happy with my appearance. After I had my first daughter I vowed to never let her think that and then that was reinforced by having my second daughter. How do I shield them from seeing what Hollywood thinks is perfect? I scrapped some pictures of myself last week. I was seventeen and looked amazing or so I think now but I know that on that day I thought I was fat and not pretty. My clothes were fitted so I couldn't notice the pinch of fat I had and I wore a push up bra to emphasize my breasts.I know I can not shield my girls away from everything but I want them to remember me working out and eating right. Not taking a pill, liquid or other substance and praying to be skinny. I have come to the realization I was made the way I am for a reason. This realization I have to encourage everyday many times a day. When talking to friends I hear about diets and substances I can do to lose weight, Pintrest tells me over and over again that "THIS" will make me skinny. FB has many pictures of skinny models and actresses and posts about a "NEW" fad that I should try. Last night when I got out of the shower I stood naked in the mirror and said 10 things I LOVE about my naked body and while I won't tell you them all I will tell you a few and the reasons why. I really recommend you do this same. I felt like a goddess and the feeling stayed with me for the whole night and today although I have bronchitis and feel like crap physically. 1)My hair! yes my hair, if you know me personally you know I change my hair all the time. I am finally content with its length but am super excited to try a new color! 2)My Belly! I have a love hate relationship with my belly. I have grown four amazing little beings inside of my belly and I lose sight of that, It will never be as it was, texture, tightness and more. As much as I hate the appearance it is a constant reminder of the four incredible creatures I grew inside of me. 3)My butt, This is one thing that has NOT changed through four pregnancies and I am so glad :) 4)My legs, I have power house legs and looking at them brings me back to my rugby days. They are a little less muscular than they were back then but still look sexy in heels and skinny jeans. 5)Last but not least (Well for the blog) my hands. I do so much with them, I create pages and cards, cakes and more. I comfort my kids with them, type blog posts, they cause me a lot of pain but I love them anyways. This is what I want my daughters to see, and look up to. A woman who loves her body, loves who she is. A woman who gets out of the house and does stuff for herself. A woman who has girlfriends she loves like sisters and who she knows love her just as much. I would also like to add that for those friends of mine doing the diets and such that's great, I am glad you found something that works for you. But I know they are not for me. Picture credited to Perfect Pixl Photography http://www.perfectpixlphotography.com/

Away

I am sooooooooo SORRY I have been away but I have been bit by a creative bug so I have turned my attention for a little bit to set up my other stuff. Check it out http://savingscrapsofmemories.wordpress.com I will be back soon!!!

EMOTIONAL

First off HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. The day and love and all that yay! This post is truly un related and basically just to update friends and family of our last few days. I will try and do a more up beat love post later. Two weeks ago N was very sick, after taking her to the er she was diagnosed with a bronchial infection and a double ear infection. The doctor we saw also told us it was very possible she also has asthma (which runs rapid in my family line)We knew that something like this was possible since she has been sick a lot in her little life. After dealing with all that and us being sick the last two weeks we were wreaks last week. Last Friday N hurt herself and started to cry, she cried until she was blue and shortly passed out and came to and everything was back to normal. She had done this five times in the last week and a half when Tuesday she did it without being upset or hurt and crying. I should also mention she will pass out from getting so upset due to an injury or just being upset. Tuesday after school my mom put N in her carseat and shut the van door. I then came around and opened the other door as she was passing out. I bolted through the van to her and woke her up. She turned bright red and then pale white and started crying. That was the last straw for me and I took her to the er. I should also mention to those who do not know K did this a few times but always due to being really hurt. N and I spent some time at the er waiting for urine and blood work to come back. Once our doctor received the results she called a pediatrician and confirmed her diagnosis. She came in and diagnosed N with Breath Holding Syndrome or Spells (BHS) Basically N's nervous system sends a signal to her brain to shut down when she is upset or hurt. We have to carry on with life as it is while she goes through this, which can be until shes two or until shes five (five is rare) This is a common issue with kids and happens more commonly then I knew. For me its hard to watch my baby pass out when she is upset or hurt and I need to deal with it the best I can by staying calm and relaxed. That being said its something I am struggling with. As I said on FB today I believe we are all given what we can handle, for some that's easier to believe in then for others. I also believe everything happens for a reason. At times its harder to have faith in these beliefs but I am doing my best, We are changing how we discipline with out giving in and still staying strong and firm. We have to be more aware of our surroundings and circumstances. I have to keep my emotions strong so the kids and those we are with don't panic when N faints.